Snow Blows!

It's Autumn.

Really, the title says it all.  We just had our first real snow.  I had forgotten how really charming the Omaha winter is.  The most depressing this is that it technically is still Autumn.  BAH!  

I have a broom.

I am sure my neighbors thought I was a retarded Southerner when they looked out their windows and saw me with my little broom sweeping the sidewalk and porch and car.  They have snow-blowers and snow shovels and other miscellaneous tools of arctic survival.   "I gots me a broom."

And a go-cart.  

I have always liked driving small cars.  I haven't needed a big SUV or pick-up truck to feel manly (besides, I'd need a whole fleet).  Small cars have better fuel economy and handle better. Why should you "get in" your car when you can "put on" you car?  But my car drives in the snow like a go cart.  It's like a cross between Mario Cart and sledding.   It would probably be scary if I could actually see the stuff I was sliding towards.  Isn't it handy that the defrost hardly works at all, so I'm slouched over looking through a small vision porthole that I maintain by rubbing my hand on the windshield?  Awesome.

And no hair. 

 I have been losing my hair basically since puberty.  I used to have the thickest, waviest, nappiest hair a white dude can have.  A buddy in college used to call it "Republican Hair."  HA!  I always hated my hair, and I guess it sensed the hostility because it began leaving.   I actually have never lost sleep about losing my hair.  It's just hair after all.  The best part: there's no indecision about hair cuts or styles.  So, why am I writing about this?  Because yesterday I realized that even thought I don't have too much hair, and not one single hair on my head is longer than 1/4"... it can still look CRAP-TASTIC when I take off my toboggan.   Isn't it kinda ridiculous to be balding AND have hat-hair?  Thanks, Winter.

And some fruit flavored rocks.

Yeah, so we went grocery shopping.  When we got back home, we forgot a bag of apples and bananas in the car.  In a hospitable climate, we could have just gotten them out of the car and eaten them.  Not here.  When we remembered them they had frozen solid and turned various shades of brown.  Cool.

And a beautfiful back yard.

"But the snow is so pretty," you say.  Or,"It's like living in a snow globe."  Better still: "What a beautiful winter wonderland." Here's a picture of my back yard.  It's awesome.

And and secret life.

 I googled myself today because a lady told me she had done "internet research" about me and I was wondering what that would reveal.  The second hit was titled "NHG Pornstar Database." The sixth hit was a 44y.o. professional boxer.  There was also a CEO of Union Square investment and an insurance agent.  Apparently there's also a "me" in Wassila, Alaska (the prestigious home of that Palin idiot) who drives poorly and rear-ends old women on the highway. I wonder which of these people the lady thought I was.

And I gotta go!

Three Men and a Little Lady

Remember that  movie?    Well, change the little lady to a puppy and subtract a man, and that's what life's been like for the last couple of months.

Ginger is sickeningly cute, and growing so fast.  She had her second vet visit yesterday for her third round of shots.  She's now 30 lbs. about about 18" tall at the shoulder.  I said I'd never buy clothes for a dog,  I even made fun of many an unfortunate pet that was clothed by it's owner.  Today I did it.  I bought Ginger a wool lined suede jacket.  There's something wrong with me.    I saw it while walking through a thrift store and had to buy it.  I'm not going to post pictures of her wearing it, though, because I think that would add insult to injury.

The last 2 months with a puppy have been fun, but challenging.  We've both locked ourselves out during middle-of-the-night trips outside.  We've cleaned up lots and lots of puppy poop and pee.  Two of my colleagues have young children, and I have a new-found sympathy for them.  I thought it'd be fun to do a puppy/baby comparison.

Puppy:  You have to walk outside in the cold, rain, or snow so it can poo, pee, or just frolic in the grass to frustrate you.

Baby: Poos and pees in diapers.  Needs frequent cleaning, but not terribly urgent if you don't mind that smell.

Puppy:  You can dump some food/water in a couple of bowls and proceed to scramble your eggs and brew coffee while it eats.

Baby: Best case scenario - you go to the fridge and get some recently pumped breast milk.  Worst case scenario - it hangs off your chest, chewing on your nipples until it's full.

Puppy: You can teach to fetch and retrieve.  Can get shoes, newspaper, find drugs and bombs, and even assist handicapped people (or are they still called "differently-abled"?)

Baby: Wait years and you might be able to convince it to do household chores.  It'll likely do them with little reliability and only when bribed with an allowance or under threat of punishment.  This arrangement will break down in the teenage years when it's no longer cool to help, be seen with, or even acknowledge the existence of mom and dad. 

Puppy: May scratch or bite you.  May destroy or eat any or all of the following: homework, shoes, phonebook, furniture, carpet, or landscaping.

Baby: May scratch or bite you.  May destroy or eat any or all of the following: homework, shoes, phonebook, furniture, carpet, or landscaping.   (when grown) Will never drive "safe enough" as far as you're concerned.  Will never raise their children the way you'd want them too.  Would likely not marry someone you deemed "good enough."  May not give your the grandchildren your really hoping for, or may give you grandchildren before they graduate high school.  

Puppy: Puppy class, clicker, unlimited supply of treats.

Baby: Preschool, public school or private?, PTA or PTO, school dances, bake sales, parent- teacher conferences.  Band, Dance, Cheer leading, Wrestling, Football, Soccer, and/or 4-H.  Prom, senior pictures, and graduation.  College, student loans, changing majors x times, graduate school.

SCORE

Puppy - 4

Baby - 1

In other news, I had to go to Wichita to fix a sink in my house that had been broken.  That sucked.  Funny part, however, was that the plastic bolts were completely stuck under the sink (I found that out after taking out the whole sink and trying to remove the faucet.)  They were completely immovable.  I didn't know of a better way to remove them, so Dr. Smith's amazing Swedish valve oil (T-2) came to the rescue.  He didn't invent it or anything, but he is a huge fan of it... it is really good stuff, after all.  I'm still waiting to see him on a late night TV infomercial (alla Ron Popeil) selling little bottles of the stuff for the LOW, LOW, PRICE OF $19.95. 

Anyway, I soaked the plastic bolts with the valve oil and set them on fire.  They melted and fell off.  Handy, huh?  Here's a picture of them all ablaze:

We are currently getting our first real snow.  I hate snow.  I also can't stand Nancy Grace.  Do you ever watch her show and wish it was her body the police were searching for?  ummm... yeah... me either.  

Another Picture

 I don't think I'll make this a habit.  For one reason, I should turn the computer off and be productive.  A better reason, because it's really hard to write in cursive with the touch pad and that darn little pencil thingy.    Anyway, here's another Audra picture revisited (oddly, it keeps the fishy them).  Aren't we all glad that we're both musicians and not visual artists?!?!

[Here's the original picture]

Elision Goes Country!!!

5/5 + Country music +5(festive costumes) =

I miss you guys!  Merry Christmas!!!

So my friend Audra draws these funny pictures to illustrate her blog.  I thought it would be funny to commemorate the return of these pictures in a recent post by taking one of them, editing it to completely change the scenario, and then posting it on my blog.  Here ya go:

[Here's the original picture]

Yeah, this is really what I've been doing instead of practicing, cleaning, or the myriad of things I should have gotten accomplished today.

Ginger Pictures

So it's been a while.   Here is a video and some pictures of Ginger.  If it looks like she's getting smaller, it's because the picture upload reversed the chronology of the pictures.  It's funny to notice how wide the collar looks on "little Ginger" compared to on "bigger Ginger."  She really got legs overnight!  One day she was a short, pudgy puppy, and the next she was tall and slender (why can't that happen to me?!?!)  I would never have thought a dog could grow this much in a month... sheer craziness!